I'm Not Strong Enough
by PrincessSparkleKitty
Summary: He's not so sure he can make it through this. After all that's happened to him. But now he's at his breaking point. He's not strong enough to do this alone, and he knows it. Inspired by the song Strong Enough by Matthew West.


**Hi, I'm still here. I didn't go anywhere. First of all I am SO sorry I didn't update Bree's Crush, but I actually have a good excuse this time. I've had the flu since Sunday, and I couldn't even pick up a laptop. So if I usually review on your story and I didn't or if I didn't reply to a PM that's why.**

**I'm feeling better now, but I'll probably just wait until Wednesday to update Bree's Crush again.**

**So anyways, while kinda half watching episode 6 (Sister's Keeper) while playing ds with my sister at midnight this idea came into my head.**

**This episode has been very inspirational to me apparently. Jake goes through a lot throughout the show, and he acts so strong through it all.**

**I guess it would just make more sense to let you guys actually read the story instead of this authors note telling you about the story.**

**Disclaimer-I do not own Hostages or Strong Enough by Matthew West. Please excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes.**

**BTW, you should totally listen to the song while reading this :)**

* * *

I hate that I have to lie about this, but she could die if I don't.

"I have no idea what you're talking about"

My aunt looks at me in disbelief, and stands up. She walks away from me, and starts talking to my mom.

I put my head down on the table, and a tear escapes from my eye. The doctors are gonna think she's crazy.

She's over there saying that we're being held hostage, and that they tied her up and locked her in a room...They did, but still. She's just getting us and herself into more trouble.

My mom somehow gets her to leave with the doctors, but now she's going back to the hospital. She doesn't need to be there, but she is because of us.

Without saying anything I stand up, and go upstairs to my room.

* * *

They think I'm strong, but I'm not. They expect me to be strong, but I'm not. Just because I'm a guy means that I'm supposed to be able to get through hard times, but I don't think I can.

I'm laying here on my bed crying. Does it look like I'm strong enough to get through this?

So far today they kidnapped me, Kramer threatened to kill me, and now I had to lie about all of it.

If I had just told the truth Lauren wouldn't be on the way back to the hospital right now, but I might be dead. They would kill me for being me.

I'm only fifteen, and they expect me to act like I'm an adult. I'm a kid. I know that, but they see me as an adult. Some kids would like that, but I just want them to see that I have limits and a breaking point. A breaking point that I've hit.

I put my hands on my face, but pull away when I touch my eye. There's still a mark from the Nico incident. I only started dealing weed because my family ignored me.

We all have our secrets apparently, and I'm not the only one here who hasn't told anyone theirs.

Morgan is pregnant.

She might've hid is from Mom and Dad this long, but I'm her brother. We used to be really close, but we aren't anymore. Even so I can still tell when something's up with her.

The way she's been feeling sick, all the crying, and the fact that she left out a positive pregnancy test on her bed. I threw it away so that Mom and Dad didn't see it, but I can't believe she didn't tell me. I'm gonna be an uncle at fifteen, and she didn't tell me.

When I got up here there were barely any tears and I was trying my best to be quiet, but now I'm pretty sure you could hear me from the hall.

I really don't care at this point. I know Dad's been trying to prevent it, but it happened anyway. They broke me, and I don't know how to fix this.

I sit up, and wipe my eyes. I look over at my nightstand, and see a book I haven't touched in a while. I pick up the Bible, and open it.

It opens to Philippians 4:13, and I read it.

_I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. _

"Maybe, but I doubt he could help me with this" I say

I put it down, and put my head in my hands. As much as I try to ignore it my eyes keep wandering back over to the book I haven't even picked up in years.

I sigh, and open the book up again. This time to Psalm 46:1.

_God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble._

I don't know what to do right now. My family's never really believed in this stuff, and this Bible was just a present from of one of my old friends, but...I really want to believe. I do. I've heard these stories before, and if God could do those things then...He could help me with this.

Isaiah 41:10  
_So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand._

Psalm 55:22  
_Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall._

1 Peter 5:7  
_Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you._

Psalm 120:1  
_I call on the LORD in my distress, and he answers me._

I wonder if that would work? I don't think I've ever actually prayed before, but maybe it would help me.

Just one problem...I don't know how. Do I kneel? Do I fold my hands? UGH! Maybe I should jusy give up on my life.

I lay back down, and stare up at the ceiling.

"God" I say "Please give me the strength to do this. I know my family thinks I can do it, but..." a tear escapes my eye, and I choke up the words "I'm not. I know I've never really talked to you before, and I'm sorry for that. Maybe this is your way of showing me what you can really do. I know I can't do this alone, and I believe that the only way I'll be able to get through this is is you help me. Give me the strength to get through the rest of the two weeks, protect my family, and...And help the four FBI agents. They're like us that they all have secrets, and I can tell just by looking at them that there is something bothering them. Mostly Kramer and Duncan, but Archer and Sandrine also look like something's on their minds too. 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength'. I'm gonna remember that verse, and repeat it to myself everyday. I know I'm not strong enough to be everything my family expects me to be, and I don't think I'll ever be. Just please give me the strength to do whatever needs to be done. Not to be scared of them, not to fear them, and to have faith in you that whatever happens you are making happen for a reason. And also please forgive me for what I did. I sold Nico's stupid weed, and I guess I got my punishment for it. I know I've never been the perfect child before, but I'd really appreciate it if you could forgive me for all of my mistakes. Please come into my heart, and show me the way to go. I want to be with you so that you can help me find who I am...Amen"

I sit up, and I actually feel better. Sometime while I was praying I stopped crying, and now I don't even feel upset anymore.

I know that God will strengthen me, and will be with me throughout all of this. Everything happens for a reason, and I'm going to trust that God will show me why this is happening.

I look at the clock to see that it says 9:00. I lock the door, and get changed. When I'm done I unlock the door, and get into bed.

I lay there feeling a lot better than I have in a long time. I finally feel safe like...Like I know someone is watching over me, and protecting me.

I know he is, and I know he'll help me through this.

I say one last thing before I give in to the darkness.

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength"

* * *

**So I'm actually pretty pleased with how this turned out. I've never written a Christian Hostages story before...Actually, I've never **_**seen **_**a Christian Hostages story before.**

**I want all of you to remember that you're never alone. God will always be there for you to help you when you need him. Even if you don't believe he's still there, and he still loves you. He created you, and he loves you more than you could ever know. If you're ever feeling upset or just lonely, talk to him. He's always listening.**

**Please review, and tell me what you thought of it.**

**It is after two am right now, and I have to get up early for church, so I am going to bed now.**

**Toodles**


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